5 Ways to Become a More Hopeful Person
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Hope feels elusive. We live in an age that is marked by outrage, despair, and cynicism. And what’s worse, when many of you read that, something rose up within you to say, “Not me! Positive vibes only over here!” We vacillate between a cynical view of life and groundless optimism.
That’s the main argument of the book I’m writing on hope. We know that hope isn’t cynicism. But it’s a more difficult argument to make that hope also isn’t optimism. Hope is grounded in something. Optimism isn’t tethered to reality — which is why many who start out as optimists end up as deeply cynical.
Hope is something different. I define it as “When truth and beauty merge to give us a happy confidence that the gospel gets the last word.” I’ll give you one paragraph from my book,
“When we realize we are drowning in despair, we are vulnerable to the lies of both cynicism and optimism. Cynicism is truth without beauty. Optimism is beauty without truth. Despair is a world with neither. But hope is when both truth and beauty merge.”
I’m writing this book for myself. I’ve battled depression and anxiety for many years of my life. I’m fighting for hope. Several years ago, I was fed up with being in the doldrums and decided I’d be a more positive person. It didn’t work. I ended up broken and even more cynical than when I began. My positivity wasn’t rooted in anything eternal.
When I began to meditate upon hope and drink in the gospel anew, my view of hope began to transform. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m definitely more hopeful than I was a few years ago. I’m not nearly as cynical and I’ve grown away from toxic positivity. Here are a few ways I’ve found to become a more hopeful person.
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1. Drink in the Gospel
This sounds cliché but it is absolutely foundational. If you do not drink in the gospel on a daily basis, you’ll end up faking it with a shiny optimism or you’ll be a curmudgeon who gives up on the whole idea of good and beautiful things in our world. Bounce back between those enough times and you’ll end up in outright despair. Maybe you’re there now.
The gospel means that Jesus gets the last word over your life and over everything. This is what motivated Paul in a moment of potential despair. In 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, Paul recounts a time when he and his companions were “under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.” Yet, even in such dire circumstances, Paul’s hope was renewed through the gospel. He writes, “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.”
The gospel isn’t only for initial salvation, it is a constant source of hope and strength. Paul’s despair was real and overwhelming. He didn’t get out of the pit by “positive vibes” nor by a cold-cynicism which zombies it’s way through a difficult circumstance. He saw the truth and beauty of the resurrection and took comfort in the reality that Jesus would get the final word.
To drink in the gospel means to rehearse these truths, to tell this grand story, over our lives on a daily basis. This practice guards us against the ebb and flow of emotional highs and lows, grounding us in the unshakeable hope that Christ gives.
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2. Get around Hopeful People
Cynicism is contagious, just go to the local coffee shop at 7AM and listen in on some of the group conversations. Rarely do people seem to gather for encouragement. But if we did, we’d find our hope increase. Hope is also contagious. Proverbs 13:20 states, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Similarly, spending time with hopeful people will help you become more hopeful.
There is something in us that thinks we’re being responsible and discerning if we spot the negative in every situation. We call it things like “being a good Berean.” Don’t hear me wrong. Truth matters. I’ll argue that all throughout my book. If your “hope” isn’t grounded in truth, then it isn’t biblical hope. But I would argue that the foundation of discernment is hope and not suspicion.
Remember when the first Christians were trying to see if what was happening in Gentile territory was legit? They didn’t send Carl the Curmudgeon; they sent Barnabas the Buoyant. He could find a rose in a field of landmines. That’s because real discernment looks for the fingerprints of Jesus and celebrates. The hopeful are the ones who are realist. Cynicism is a mirage.
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3. Unplug and Soak Up Beauty
There are numerous studies showing that our “connected” world is making us deeply unconnected. We are unhitched from reality, constantly swimming in the ethereal. Depression and despair are on the rise. That’s not being negative, that’s just being truthful. Many are blaming social media and the habit of being constantly online. There is certainly truth there. It’s also likely true that part of our depression is what we’re saying “no” to by being online all the time. We’re saying no to nature.
Studies show that spending time outdoors can reduce stress, improve mood, and increase overall happiness When we take the time to soak up the beauty around us, we ground ourselves in reality. We need dirt sifting through our fingers. We need, as my children might say, to “touch grass.”
If Jesus had to “unplug” in the first century, how much more is this a need for us today? The discipline of rest and acknowledging our finitude intersects here as well. Soaking up beauty is a reminder to us of the bigness of God. It’s easy to be overcome with despair when you’re staring at a computer screen that is constantly filtered by algorithms which reward negativity.
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4. Practice Gratitude
In one of the particularly low points of my battle with depression, I did the brave thing of talking to a counselor. As he sat and heard me anxiously spiral, he gave me a little bit of homework. I had to write out 100 things that I was thankful for. If I’m being honest, his homework ticked me off. It felt like he wasn’t listening to my ache.
He eventually would help me press into some of the truly negative situations, but he wisely knew that I needed to tackle them with balanced eyes. I wasn’t seeing much of any beauty in my life. When I stepped away and followed his dumb homework (I’m kidding), it was transformative. I found that as I listed all the things I was grateful for, it slowly began to chip away.
I wasn’t making up things either. These were real honest blessings in my life. If you’re in a Job-like situation, that might be difficult. And I don’t think he’d have found much help in saying, “I have 46 sores on my body when I could have 47.” No, that’s pretty empty and we know it. But I bet Job still had the occasional sunset. Unless you’re in hell, there are always at least some shards of hope. Grab hold of them and practice gratitude.
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5. Learn to Lament
This will seem counterintuitive. Why would lament – which seems to be almost entirely negative – be in a list on becoming more hopeful? First, because lament in cathartic. But more than this, lament helps with hope because it takes our aches to God. Lament is listening to 1 Peter 5:7. It’s being realistic with the difficulties of life outside of Eden.
Do you know the lady who is super positive, wears all the bright colors, cuts toxic people out of her life, has a “treat yo self” day, and yet yells at her kids and flips people off in traffic? That is a woman who has covered up her grief with toxic positivity. Her “hope” isn’t hope, it is groundless positivity. As a result, her ache will spill over into other areas of her life. And she’ll fight those fits of rage with another dose of positivity. It’ll never work, until she finally learns to lament.
Do you know that curmudgeonly dude who seems to complain about everything? He’s one of those guys at the coffee shop at 7AM, newspaper in hand, finger wagging in the air, telling every passerby what is wrong with them and this God-forsaken land. He claims to see things as they really are. He’s a realist. He tells it like it is – even if you don’t like it. He’s empty too. He’ll keep down this path until he learns to lament.
Lament is the gift which God has given us to give words to our pain. It calls us to press into those negative emotions and face them head on. It gives us the courage to be honest with God. But it also takes us to God and not away from Him. And it is here that so often we find our hope. (You can see this in Psalm 73. It was when Asaph went into the sanctuary that the whole psalm takes a turn). Lament will help you be hopeful because it assists you in properly placing the broken and burdensome things in life.
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